All Pitt admin should have to walk from the Boulevard to Cathy before deciding if the campus is safe enough for students to return to classes after winter storms.
The trek must be completed wearing full winter gear, with a backpack containing daily essentials (lunch, laptop, notebooks, etc.). Participants must cross at least one street where the snow has been pushed into a large mound, creating a blind spot from the crosswalk corners. After the walk, the admin must sit through a full 50-minute mock gen ed lecture (philosophy or another stupid subject) in a Cathy cultural room, with the heat on as usual (set to Australian Outback conditions). Winter gear must be kept on for the duration of the lecture. The mock lecturer is encouraged to be completely unprepared (which is normal), a poor lecturer (also normal), and to give an in-person Canvas quiz or location-specific TopHat questions that count for correctness (normal) and are worth at least 10% of the final course grade.
Admin must then walk to at least two other campus buildings before returning to the origin point, where they will enter a South O home. This home should be rented by students who do not keep the heat on, since it jacks their rent. They will be tasked with cooking dinner with the limited ingredients they have, since they already ate their storm rations.
Admin will also be responsible for any ‘snow day’ bullshit busy work the lecturer assigned because “we have a lot of material to cover this semester, and to make sure you’re retaining this 40-slide PowerPoint I posted, there will be a quiz at the end and a non-optional Canvas discussion board.”
An alternate route has also been constructed where the admin will walk from Cathy to Trees and back. The journey must be completed with the same regalia as the lower campus route and without the use of the campus shuttles (like they would come anyway).
The Pete escalators also cannot be utilized (as they are either broken or the Pete is closed). Once up at Trees, admin will strip winter layers and participate in a one-credit fitness class of their choosing (we recommend Party Dance, Paddle Board Yoga, or Cycle Exercise). After class, all winter gear and backpacks will be put back on, and they can begin their descent back down to Cathy.
For the upper campus route, admin has the option to wait for the shuttle, but there is no guarantee it will show up within 30 minutes. By waiting for the bus, they run the risk of missing their selected class, as the ride itself will definitely be longer than 30 minutes, despite “city streets becoming more accessible for transportation.” Missing the class, however, is not an option because attendance is 100% of the grade for any fitness course.
We, the students of the University of Pittsburgh, think that this is only fair. Yes, online or async classes are not optimal, but you, as the University, do not pay for our Zoom Workplace accounts for nothing. Utilize our unlimited virtual meeting time and don’t make us choose between our safety and our grades.