The recent and universally loved switch to digital, mobile-phone-based identification for Pitt students has only brought about more discussion for technological advancements in the field of scanning an ID. “We liked the added nuance and complexity,” said Garrett, an employee at Panther Central. “We’d love to take that further in the future, and we know just how to do it.” Garrett is heading the push toward brain chip technology for ID purposes on Pitt’s Oakland campus.
The Panther Chip would open new doors — as well as the already existing ones — for future Pitt students. The chips would be installed in the temple and scanned on your way into campus facilities, just like the IDs you already know and love. “Just hold the side of your skull to the scanner for about five seconds. Gone are the days of being locked out!” Garrett said to us, enthusiastically. “You want this.”
Once the Panther Chip is installed in a student, it will “rarely” have any technical issues. In the case of any minor or major problems, the staff at Panther Central will have you covered. The chips will have a small USB input, about an inch deep in the ear canal, to receive debugging information from computer software and to charge the chip every 12 hours. “These changes are to help you not get locked out,” Garrett added.
The Pitiful News has heard from sources in the Pitt administration that plans to introduce brain chips are well on their way to fruition. Surgeries will be performed on students by doctors at UPMC Presbyterian Hospital for an estimated $10,000 each. This cost will not be included in tuition or be covered by any healthcare provider in the Western Hemisphere. The Panther Chip program is intended to be fully launched by 2030. “You need this,” said Garrett.