As many of you know, there was a Maybelline pop-up shop some time ago, and a time before that, there was Shein, I think. However, because I am not into fashion or makeup, I feel excluded. What would make me feel included is if the Criterion Mobile Closet Van came to the WPU in that little plaza area facing Fifth Avenue or the Quad. I know it will be a hard sell, but I just want you to keep some stuff in mind:
1. You have the Princess Bride
You have the Princess Bride in the Collection. You can get most sane people there with like “You can get the Princess Bride” because most people love The Princess Bride and people who don’t are going to Hell (I’m pretty sure that’s written in the Bible somewhere).
2. I can be trusted around the Criterion Van
In an article I wrote last year, I said that “…I promise I won’t steal [the van]…” This is what normal people say when they have no plans to steal a van with some good movies inside. In fact, I’m so trustworthy that you could leave the keys with me and nothing would happen to the van in terms of damage unless I do a bad parking job in front of my apartment.
3. Carnegie Mellon is next door
Pitt may not have the strongest theater or film department, but CMU is right there 15 minutes away. Pitt students may not be that rich, but CMU is right there 15 minutes away. Pitt students may have a good social life, but CMU is right there 15 minutes away. Listen, you get what I’m saying.
Anyways, if someone from the Criterion Collection actually sees this, reach out to us on Instagram so we could make this happen (email also works) and/or you send us a blu-ray copy of Real Life by Albert Brooks, which would solve most of my problems (besides the gambling debt).