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The crows swarming Pitt’s campus signal the end of days. Here’s how you should prepare.
As you have probably noticed, recently, our campus has been plagued by an apparently unexpected bird migration. The birds–common crows–perch on the treetops, unloading on students and...
In Current, Dec 21, 2023
Pitt Power Outage Notice Affects One Person
On December 17th at around 1:30 AM, Pitt sent out a notice to the community that the power would be out until around 3:00 AM. Most of the students were not in the dorms, as they had m...
In Student Life, Dec 17, 2023
4 Tips on How to Survive the 3 Weeks After Thanksgiving but Before Christmas
Have you realized how much the next three weeks are going to suck? Are you stressed beyond belief? Did you procrastinate the entire second half of the semester saying “Oh, I’ll get ca...
In Student Life, Nov 14, 2023
Pitt Merch Alert! The Pitt Shop releases “Perfumed at Pitt” collection of candles inspired by the aromas of Pitt’s Oakland campus
On Friday, November 10th, the Official Pitt Shop announced a line of new scented candles– inspired by the memorable smells students can find on the University of Pittsburgh’s campus. ...
In Current, Nov 14, 2023
University Announces Plans to Remove Escalators Across Campus
The University of Pittsburgh announced in an email sent to students at 5:23 a.m. Monday morning plans to remove all escalators from academic and residential buildings effective immedi...
In Student Life, Nov 13, 2023
Opinion: It's a shame adults can't go trick-or-treating
You know, when I was a kid, me and my friends would go trick-or-treating and get really into it. Like I found the people giving out the king-sized candy bars and had multiple costumes...
In Opinion, Oct 31, 2023
Joan Gabel Named Leading Suspect in Grizzly Murders of Union Members
The University of Pittsburgh’s Chancellor, Joan Gabel, was recently named the leading suspect in a string of brutal murders that occurred this past weekend. All of the victims were ei...
In Current, Oct 29, 2023
Opinion: The Cathedral is a Phallic Stain Upon This Campus
I’ll be the first one to say it – the cathedral’s got to go. It’s not because it’s old, or poorly lit inside. It’s not because the desks are falling apart and the bathroom is always o...
In Opinion, Oct 25, 2023
World Peace on Hold as UN Adjourns for Early Lunch
At a quarter to noon this morning, the United Nations took a recess for a midday meal, hoping that the delegates would be able to “beat the downtown traffic,” per spokeswoman Candice ...
In Politics, Oct 23, 2023
Best Places to Puke on Campus (Verified)
Flu season is here and with it brings that suffocating sickly air that permeates the nostrils and scrambles the brains around. We at The Pitiful News recognize that it can be difficul...
In Student Life, Oct 18, 2023
Featured
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Proposal: New Way For Admin to Determine Campus Safety After Winter Storms
In Opinion, -
Pitt Athletic Department to Defund Electric Scooters, Improve Gameday Performance
In Current, -
Opinion: Pitt Med Research Filled with Incomprehensible Jargon
In Science and Technology, -
Pitt Student Surprised to Learn Poor Mood Result of Self-Destructive Habits
In Student Life,