Ezra Cheifetz
Secretary
Posts by Ezra Cheifetz
Time Travelers Underwhelmed by Time Capsule
OAKLAND—Two strangely dressed students by the names of Jxnie and Zanthony approached the Pitiful News on our biennial birding retreat. They claimed to be time travelers from the year ...
In Science and Technology, Apr 05, 2026
Devastated Pitt Student Had No Idea There Was An Election
PITTSBURGH, PA— Mitchell Barber, a Pitt Sophomore, was utterly aghast upon learning that the election had passed him by. “I was like, shit, that was this year?” Barber told the Pitifu...
In Politics, Nov 11, 2024