Let’s be honest — the job market is a nightmare right now, and you need whatever edge there is to succeed. You’re sending out your resumé to over a baker’s dozen of companies, and when you finally land an interview, you completely bungle it!
But, here’s a secret. From my in-depth experience of job-having, such as “Timeshare Marketer” and “ChatGPT Prompter,” I can give you five tips to nail an interview instantly. Just one of these will make you go from zilch zero to hired hero.
1. Do The Worm
Numerous studies conducted by various persons have all shown that doing the hit dance move, “the worm,” is impressive 100% of the time. They say that you should have something to make you stand out among jobseekers, and boy, does the worm make you stand out. My friend, Chet, did the worm at the Career & Internship Fair and was instantly hired by every company in attendance. He didn’t even have to interview! My other buddy, Rufus, posted a jpeg of himself doing the worm in the Classifieds section of the newspaper and received one billion job offers. So, if you have the skills, give the worm a try!
2. Choose an Appropriate Zoom Background
While the worm is a water-tight strategy, it’s not the best for a virtual interview. If you can even manage to set your camera up in a worm-friendly position, poor internet or low resolution may make your interviewer think you’re having a stroke. Luckily, I have a fantastic Zoom strategy for you!
Ever heard the phrase, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have?” Well, it applies here, too. But I’m not referring to your outfit — I’m referring to your background! This is the Digital Age, and you have so much wonderful technology at your disposal! So, set your background to what you want in life. I set mine to a big bank vault with a swimming pool’s worth of gold bars, doubloons, rubies, gilded chalices, ornate vases, and other desirable bullion. When I joined the Zoom meeting with that background, the amazed hiring manager said, “You’ve got quite the chutzpah, kid!” and hired me on the spot.
3. Research Your Recruiter
Speaking of the Digital Age, it’s never been easier to learn about your interviewer! Doing research shows that you’ve done your homework and taken a real interest. Also, people love talking about themselves, so research will give you a real edge! You can find all sorts of things online, especially on LinkedIn, such as their position in the company, how long they’ve worked there, their degree, what college they graduated from, their spouse, their place of residence, their children, where their children go to school, etc. Show off your sleuthing skills by bringing these topics up naturally!
And maybe suggest, if you don’t get the position, you’ll pursue some more “research” in the near future.
4. You’re the Boss!
If things aren’t going well, there are a few emergency tactics one can employ. My most effective option is as follows: show up to the interview with a wig, glasses, and fake beard, just in case. When things go poorly, whip your accessories off and claim, “It’s me! The Undercover Boss!” Realizing that you’re their boss, the interviewer, fearing for their job, will have no choice but to hire you on the spot. They’ll say, “Your secret’s safe with me, Chief!” to save the integrity of the show. Positively foolproof.
5. Make It Worth Your While
A failed interview is not necessarily a waste of time. You’ve received additional practice in interviewing and a better understanding of what will be asked of you and what to improve upon in the future. But even then, just because you’re not being hired, it doesn’t mean your interviewer isn’t.
On numerous occasions, I’ve recruited recruiters to my lucrative business venture. The prospect is simple: you buy a series of products from me at a discount and then sell them at full price to make big profits. And it’s even easier than you’d think; all you have to do is recruit five to ten more people to do the selling for you. This is essentially free money! If you’re interested, contact me at bglobski1991@aol.com.