With all this heat, I find myself reminiscing about winter break. And then I remembered how completely broke I was and strapped for cash. And then I got angry about how, at the time, I didn’t know about these 12 side hustles which could’ve fixed all of my problems. And so, out of the kindness of my heart, I give these to you.
1. Mow Lawns
For Panthers in warmer climates: go back to your elementary school roots! I mean, who doesn’t want to pay their 19-year-old neighbor $10 to poorly mow their front lawn?
2. Shovel Driveways
For Panthers in cooler climates: your dad said he’d pay you $5 to clear the driveway, so he can go to work. Make sure you half-ass it, so he never asks you to do anything like that ever again.
3. Go Back to Your Summer Job
Well, they did say they’d keep you on payroll. Too bad you’re stuck working with someone who started after you left for school and now thinks they know the job better than you. But hey, at least you’ve got hours!
4. Apply for Jobs
Just kidding! Why would you do that? That’s way too much work, and anyway, the minimum-wage job market is terrible these days (at least that’s what I’m telling myself).
5. Complain to Your Mom About How Broke You Are
Come on, guilt-trip her! Sure, she’s spent countless dollars on you through the years, but what’s $20 more? After all, doesn’t she want you to catch up with your cousins over lunch?
6. Let Your Older Sister Bring You on Her Next Outing
She’ll feel like she has to buy you something, since you got dragged along! Make sure you act really inconvenienced. Free coffee, anyone?
7. Countdown the Days Until Christmas
Your extended family doesn’t know you well enough to get you something you actually want, so they’ll pretend you’re too old to get any actual gifts this year! Just sit back and let that sweet sweet cash flow in.
8. Enroll in a Sleep Study at Your Local Hospital
They’ll definitely want some insight into the dangerously odd sleep schedule you developed for yourself during finals week. Plus, you’ve already had too much time in close proximity to your family — spend your nights somewhere else!
9. Join an MLM
Nothing says unemployment like guilting your family members into buying CutCo-brand knives from you, or better yet…essential oils that cure cancer!
10. Start a GoFundMe
Take advantage of the people in your local Facebook 411 group. Maybe your cat needs immediate medical attention, or you just lost your job? These people won’t know; Facebook is the land of lies after all. Just make yourself seem as pitiful as possible, and you’re all set!
11. Catfish Men Online
Put those skills you learned at Pittsburgh’s premier public ivy to the test. How much money can you scam out of desperate men before Tinder catches on and permanently bans you?
12. Become a DoorDash Driver
This one is great if you hate yourself and/or enjoy being rude to fast-food workers! You will not make money, and you will see wayyyy too many people you know from high school, but hey, that’s showbiz!
Bonus money saving tip while you try out these side hustles:
Forgot to take advantage of post-holiday deals and don’t want to spend any more of your hard earned money? Steal your family members’ personal items! This is a great way to make sure you get to try it out before you buy it for yourself!