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Opinion: It's a shame adults can't go trick-or-treating
You know, when I was a kid, me and my friends would go trick-or-treating and get really into it. Like I found the people giving out the king-sized candy bars and had multiple costumes...
In Opinion, Oct 31, 2023
Joan Gabel Named Leading Suspect in Grizzly Murders of Union Members
The University of Pittsburgh’s Chancellor, Joan Gabel, was recently named the leading suspect in a string of brutal murders that occurred this past weekend. All of the victims were ei...
In Current, Oct 29, 2023
Opinion: The Cathedral is a Phallic Stain Upon This Campus
I’ll be the first one to say it – the cathedral’s got to go. It’s not because it’s old, or poorly lit inside. It’s not because the desks are falling apart and the bathroom is always o...
In Opinion, Oct 25, 2023
World Peace on Hold as UN Adjourns for Early Lunch
At a quarter to noon this morning, the United Nations took a recess for a midday meal, hoping that the delegates would be able to “beat the downtown traffic,” per spokeswoman Candice ...
In Politics, Oct 23, 2023
Best Places to Puke on Campus (Verified)
Flu season is here and with it brings that suffocating sickly air that permeates the nostrils and scrambles the brains around. We at The Pitiful News recognize that it can be difficul...
In Student Life, Oct 18, 2023
Kitchen Hacks for Busy Moms on the Run
Hey moms! We all have those days. John has to get picked up from school and dropped off at karate, Lacy needs poster board for her project due tomorrow, and you still have to make it ...
In Food and Culture, Oct 17, 2023
Eatery to Introduce NFTs to dining experience
The Eatery, along with many other dining halls found at other NCAA Div 1 schools, have started a line of NFTs which consist of the college logos as pixel art. The “art” will grant buy...
In Food and Culture, Oct 17, 2023
Protests briefly disrupt Board of Trustees meeting; administrators displeased
A series of disruptive actions interrupted the University of Pittsburgh’s Board of Trustees meeting on September 29. In the aftermath, administrators’ feelings on the disruptions rang...
In Current, Oct 16, 2023
Brave police and security guards hold back ruthless Pitt students from rushing the field after upset win
On Saturday, October 14th, the Pittsburgh Panthers pulled off a shocking upset win against undefeated ACC opponent Louisville. Coming into the matchup at Acrisure Stadium Heinz Field,...
In Sports, Oct 16, 2023
Professor Apologizes After Rescheduling Office Hours No One Planned to Attend to Begin With
In an email memo sent out this afternoon, HIST 0187 Professor Fulcrum Banks apologized profusely for rescheduling his Wednesday office hours from 12-1 pm to 2-3 pm EST. Banks cited a ...
In Student Life, Sep 29, 2023
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Pitt Athletic Department to Defund Electric Scooters, Improve Gameday Performance
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Opinion: Pitt Med Research Filled with Incomprehensible Jargon
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Pitt Student Surprised to Learn Poor Mood Result of Self-Destructive Habits
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Pitt Clubs “Finally Get It” After Reveal That All Internal Communications in SORC is Handled by One Very Overworked Carrier Pigeon
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