10 Things To Do Instead Of Studying For Finals
Isn’t it so kind of your professors to have their finals weighted so heavily? Aren’t they the best for not making Canvas grades publi...
The Turkeys Leading The Polls For Presidential Pardon
In Politics, Nov 25, 2025
Bring the Criterion Van to Campus
In Opinion, Oct 29, 2025
Pitt Panther Identification Will Soon Be Stored In The Mind
In Science, Oct 13, 2025BREAKING: Towers Dryer Dries Clothes
OAKLAND—In a shocking turn of events, sophomore and Tower A RA Abby Jenkins reported to Panther Central this past Sunday that Towers ...
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10 Things To Do Instead Of Studying For Finals
Isn’t it so kind of your professors to have their finals weighted so heavily? Aren’t they the best for not making Canvas grades public so you have no idea what grade you need on your ...
In Student, Dec 07, 2025
The Turkeys Leading The Polls For Presidential Pardon
America is chomping at the bit as to which turkeys will be pardoned this Thanksgiving. Our team of insiders and pollsters have informed us that the mass media, spreading fake news as ...
In Politics, Nov 25, 2025
Bring the Criterion Van to Campus
As many of you know, there was a Maybelline pop-up shop some time ago, and a time before that, there was Shein, I think. However, because I am not into fashion or makeup, I feel exclu...
In Opinion, Oct 29, 2025
Pitt Panther Identification Will Soon Be Stored In The Mind
The recent and universally loved switch to digital, mobile-phone-based identification for Pitt students has only brought about more discussion for technological advancements in the fi...
In Science, Oct 13, 2025
Chicken Restaurants: The New Yorker’s Perspective
The land between three rivers is commonly known for its pierogi, Yinzer accent, and iconic football team. Its charm as a modest yet remarkable gem of a city truly makes Pittsburgh unl...
In Food and Culture, Sep 30, 2025
Pitt Athletic Department to Defund Electric Scooters, Improve Gameday Performance
Following the arguably embarrassing losses to West Virginia University’s and University of Louisville’s football teams, the University of Pittsburgh Athletic Department has announced ...
In Current, Sep 30, 2025
Student Dies of Disease in New Rec Center Hot Tub
An unidentified student was found unconscious in the new Recreation Center’s hot tub area.
In Current, Sep 30, 2025
Beware of Professor Gage
As the semester at Pitt continues, many students sit apprehensively in their lecture halls. The lecturer before them, an unfamiliar academic, was given a mediocre rating on Rate My Pr...
In Student Life, Sep 30, 2025
BREAKING: Towers Dryer Dries Clothes
OAKLAND—In a shocking turn of events, sophomore and Tower A RA Abby Jenkins reported to Panther Central this past Sunday that Towers dryer number 98—which, like the others, usually br...
In Student Life, Sep 21, 2025
Club Stages Coup After Discovering President is from West Virginia
The Pitiful News is currently looking for a new President/Editor-In-Chief after the club forcefully removed their former President from Monday’s meeting after finding out she is from ...
In Student Life, Sep 12, 2025
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Opinion: Pitt Med Research Filled with Incomprehensible Jargon
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Pitt Student Surprised to Learn Poor Mood Result of Self-Destructive Habits
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Pitt Clubs “Finally Get It” After Reveal That All Internal Communications in SORC is Handled by One Very Overworked Carrier Pigeon
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